Ways I Nearly Died in 2015

Nope. Definitely NOT being dramatic. May be slightly dramatic. Bit dramatic.

I had a busy 2015. Lots of adventures. I'm surprised I survived. Probably only down to my iron stomach and feet comprised entirely of hard skin and toenail gaps.

January 
Nearly died trying to assemble a turbo trainer. Lucky to make it through with both eyeballs. Cried lots. Lost fingernails.  

February 
Met the 4 Horsemen of the Running Apocalypse: Itching, Chafing, Blisters & Poo.
Got the flu and nearly died (DIDN'T nearly die) and spent time on sick bed hatching evil plans to thwart everyone else from training: 

March 
Went out on 1st EVER group bike ride. Had to get pushed up a hill. Nearly got killed by little old lady. Made it back alive with new terror of bikes and 80 year old pensioners. 

Swan tried to eat me AND my bike. 

Had to drink nearly 2 litres of beer while dressed as a police officer and doing 400 metre reps of a public park.

April 
Had to do a wattbike test and while didn't die, just felt as though I had.

Nearly killed by gale force winds blowing me of my bike at Bicester triathlon but at least the wind blow-dried all the urine from the pool swim.

May 
Almost death by dropping sweets in mud and flouting the 5 second rule at Coventry Way 40 miler.

The day the world fell out of my bottom: DNF at my 1^st 100 mile race TP100 

June 
Committed an act for which murder would have been pardoned: while supporting a solo runner at a 24 hour race I ate all their food. 

July 
Got chased (andprobably would have been eaten) by a dog named Barry.

Took a 5 year old to a24hr race. Death by lack of sleep, loss of underwear and stress. 

Could have been a fractured skull? Went to a FAST triathlon, got my arse handed to me by the rest of the field and got kicked in the face by a friend. 

August 
Nearly eaten by a lake monster that quacked at Lake 32. 

Potential cider poisoning: Found a naked farmer and ALL the hills at Giants Head Marathon.   

September 
Potential death-by-anti-bicyle-cruelty-brigade: Left Daisy in the car ALL day and punched in face in swim in Bala Triathlon by a cage-fighter masquerading a lady swimmer. Nearly drank ALL the lake water. However got a PB so goes to show that all these healthy people who go on about drinking 15 glasses of water a day might be right.

Caught up in what felt like a WWE Smackdown: Completed a 70.3 triathlon which was like being in a wrestling ring but with REAL punching: 

October 
Autumn 100. Alex made me run up hills which almost made my legs fall off. Still not forgiven him. Definitely doing it again. 

Death by office: Wrote a support sheet in an attempt to save my skin.

November 
Nearly died in household accident due to nearly knocking down own house in my DIY attempts ...

December 
Meat sweats and stilton poisoning. (Overindulgence rather than food poisoning). Did 12 Miles of Xmas which is 5 pubs and 12 miles.

What a year. Think I'll stay in for 2016 ...