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Sunday 31 December 2017

7 Reasons Why Running Is Better Than Cycling

1. The cleaning. Dear God … ALL THE CLEANING!!
Run: You go for a run, you chuck your dirty kit in the washing machine, you chuck the dirty you in the shower.
Bike: They take AGES to clean. And there's always a bit you've missed. And then you still have to clean yourself. Only solution is to put BOTH of you in the shower. And then you still have to put oil on the important bits. 

2. Squeak! Excuse me!
Run: Irritating noise. Oh it's my arse. Easy to sort. Avoid high fibre & caffeine before run.
Bike: Irritating noise. Not easy to sort. There is ALWAYS an irritating noise. You might have cleaned, oiled and tightened every screw. But there's always a noise. And you can never locate it. And it never does it when you're in the bike shop. Disclaimer: it might still be my arse.  

3. Aeroplane arms make EVERYTHING better. Except cycling. 
Run: Aeroplane arms down the hills and around the corners.
Bike: Aeroplane arms. Splat. Extricate bike and gravel from flesh.

4. New kit day … oh. 
Run: You always want another pair of trainers. Ok. £80.
Bike: You always want another bike. Not ok. £1000 … at least. 

5. The Rules. 
Run: The rules are don't snot rocket at another runner. Don't run into them. Share snacks.
Bike: It's Bike Club. You don't talk about the rules but are expected to know them. Sleeves are mandatory. Tan lines must be strictly adhered to and be razor edged. Kit should match bike. What?

6. It has 2 wheels and some of those round things. You know. Pedals. Well, they GO round, don't they?
Run: Jargon. There's a bit but it's mainly about pacing and splits. Preferably gap between snacks and banana. 
Bike: Jargon. What is a gearset?  A crank? Seriously just call it a cog and a pedal. But not to me. I have no interest and no technical knowledge and will immediately say something like “Pedals? Yes I have those.” Before inwardly groaning and receiving either a (wo)mansplain or a patronising look. Probably both. 

7. Targets on 2 wheels
Run: Cars dislike runners. But at least there's usually a pavement you can run on or handy hedge you can leap into.
Bike: Car drivers REALLY don't like cyclists and as soon as they see cyclists cycling 2 abreast immediately lose their shit and start behaving as though they don't have control of a dangerous 2-tonne piece of metal. Seriously pensioners and Ocado lorries. Sort it out. 

And this is precisely why running is better than cycling. If you disagree, you might enjoy 6 Reasons Why Cycling is Better Than Running ... 

On the 12th Day of Christmas ...

On the 12th day of Christmas my Tri coach gave to me:

12 Hills a-sprinting
11 progressive swim sets
10 Laps of drowning 
9 days French Tri Camp Training 
8 miles of tempo
7 sportives suffering

6 time trials puking 
5 single arms drillsssss …..
4 mile reps
3 turbo seasons
2 loooong swims 
And the potential to qualify for GB ...