Not Taking the Zombies Out for a Run ...

I’d done a Legs, Bums & Tums class which I normally breeze through, but a combination of a psychotic instructor (she looked very meek, mild and old lady-ish before she started screaming like a drill sergeant) and 250 metre intervals at the track the other day meant that I had been walking like a particularly bandy-legged cowboy. And I thought a nice slow run might shift some of the stiffness.

Decided to try a route through the centre of Rugby called Central Walk. As it was nice weather I thought I’d run the first four miles at a nice, steady pace then let the Zombies (Zombies, Run!) out for a run on the way home. Put a bit of extra green in their cheeks. However, it soon became apparent that there was a touch too much mud around to let the Zombies out...

Central Walk footpath running underneath one of the old railway bridges

It was a cool day and there was still frost on the hedges and banks at 2pm but the ground was fairly dry... until I got to the halfway point of the Central Walk. There was water, mud and floating bits of debris for extra boggy attractiveness. I had two options. Try and Jesus the water or try the floating footpath that someone had helpfully improvised using a railway sleeper and assorted logs and bits of crap that had been lying around.

Everywhere I run there is MUD!

 I took the impromptu footpath and hopped from bit of wood to piece of crap to railway sleeper and managed to keep my feet dry.

I’d taken the dog alarm for once. I very rarely have any problems with dogs. I’m pretty confident and if they run alongside me, I encourage them along so it turns into a game of ‘Run With Me’ rather than ‘Chase and Maul the Runner’. Sometime you just have feelings about things so I took it along. As it happened, I didn’t have any problems with dogs at all. The Central Walk is a popular dog walking route but all the canines I saw were well behaved and on leads. So I ended up trying the alarm out on a seagull (indifferent) and a cat (unimpressed) instead.

Thurr's burrds in thum 'edges!

I got to the top of the walk and decided to run up to the road at the top so it made it into an 8 mile round trip. I passed a group (a herd? a gallop?) of horses and a few cyclists who all greeted me and there were a few cars out but they were considerate and gave me a wide berth. It was a nice, peaceful lane and when I reached the top and the main road I turned around and went back down the hill again.

But ... in front of me, a little way in the distance, was a nice big hill. It couldn’t be more than a mile and a half away surely? I’m sure I saw a footpath sign near it once. Maybe I could just have a look … just a quick look …  

Ooh! A hill in the distance...

 I ran back down the hill – a bit quicker now I had a destination - and over a small bridge. The trees and fields were very pretty and there were sheep in the fields nearby. It was all very still and quiet. There was a flutter in the hedge and a thrush was on the verge with its wings spread out. I bent down to look at it wondering if it had been hit by a car. It looked back at me and opened its beak. A moment later it fluttered back into the hedge.

More hills ... but quite flat ones. Hillocks possibly.

Rounded a bend in the lane and got to the foot of the hill with the footpath sign. It was very enticing, but just too muddy. I might have considered it if I were wearing running wellies (if anyone steals this idea I’ll have 5% royalties please!) but it was just too damp for the trusty Asics 2160s.

I followed the lane round hoping to spot another new footpath sign and wondering where I would eventually end up. It was winding and bordered by hedges which occasionally gave a view across the patchwork fields. I crossed a bridge over a large road and then again over a canal bridge. The canal was serene and still like a picture. 

Peaceful

Came up to a steep humpbacked bridge and crossed over … doing a quick U-turn when I spotted some steps leading down beside it … Ooh another canal! The canal isn’t far from my house so did a quick check on Google Maps to check it was a.) the right canal and b.) the right direction and ran down to explore the new path. I was very well behaved and sent a text saying I had had a change of route and was on the way back … started to take a picture of a pretty bridge and the phone battery died. Bother. So I can’t use “stopping to take a photo” as an excuse to stop and have a breather when I got tired, bored or wanted to scout for a possible wee location any more this run then. 

For some reason running alone without a phone worries me a bit. Not sure why. I always wear a running belt on long runs and I’m well aware that this isn’t the best look for anyone not trying to be a middle-aged American tourist but I like having my phone to hand. I can take pictures, check maps and – shock horror – even make a call if I decide to. Besides it’s a hefty phone in a giant toddler-proof case so it could be quite handy as a weapon should the need arise. For instance in beating slavering Runner-Mauling dogs to death. Or beating off (in a violent rather than sexual way of course) amorous Chihuahuas. Either.  

Canal path was muddy and a bit dismal. It had all been beautiful earlier but the sun was lower in the sky and the light was beginning to turn grey and dusky. The path was muddy and the grass was damp but all of a sudden there was a flash of blue over the canal. A bright blue, like a jewel or a light. I strained my eyes trying to work out what it was.

It stopped on the bank and as I got closer I realised what it was. A kingfisher. I’ve never seen one before except in pictures and it was just as bright and as beautiful as in a book. It was a bird so bright and beautiful I could hardly believe it was native to England. Don’t get me wrong, I love England and am proud to be English. But our birds are brown … and black … and grey. Boring colours.

The kingfisher disappeared and I ran on up the canal path trying not to lose a shoe to the black mud that seemed to be the main part of the bank. The few boats that were moored all seemed to have delicious food smells coming from them and I realised I’d missed lunch exploring the paths. I don’t do Missing Food so I put a bit of extra speed on. 

Got home and used Going Exploring as an excuse to make the most enormous tea I could manage. With banana pancakes on the side. Naturally.

Zombie Running - An Excuse to Eat All the Sweeties

Along with most of the population of England under 50 years old, I dressed up for Halloween. It was an excuse to wear my zombie bride outfit and to plaster my face in grease paint and go overboard with the eyeliner.

I can see why Goths do it. It must be fun scaring little children. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the opportunity to terrify toddlers as we had no Trick or Treaters. At all. I guess we must live in ‘The Spooky House’. Or maybe I look like I’ve already eaten all the sweets.

It got to half past eight and I resigned myself to the fact that I’d have to eat all the sweets and chocolate I’d bought for the trick or treaters by myself. The shame.

But … was there a way to do it guilt free? I could go for a run first. Although that would mean I’d have to wash all of the Halloween make up off …

Or would it?

Decided to go for a run as Runner 5 from Zombies, Run! game but an unsuccessful runner 5. Yes. Exactly. But it was an excuse to go for a run dressed as a zombie. Without the neighbours calling the local Special hospital.

It was fun! I only did a quick 4 mile loop around the local area but it was fun doing it in grease paint and I had a silly grin on my face the whole way. Not just the painted one.

I had one scary moment though. A woman was taking an Alsatian for a walk on the other side of the road and it saw me and freaked out. It properly went mental and nearly pulled the woman over to get to me and eat me. Not a happy doggie. I don’t know whether it was the greasepaint or whether she had raised it on a diet of runners but this dog really wanted to get at me. If the woman had let go of the leash I would definitely have been mauled. Not good. I put a burst of speed on and got out of there.

I passed a few trick or treaters. Mainly 5 year olds with their parents taking them round as an excuse to pinch some sweeties from the kids. Saw no other runners at all though. Maybe the Alsatian had already eaten them. They definitely missed out on something though. I think this may be the start of a zombie running tradition. 

I just need to keep avoiding that dog ... otherwise I may not need the makeup next year.

Runners Trots, Lurching like a Zombie and Power Ranger Stripteases

Had a nice big tea yesterday and went out for a night run. It was nice ... at first. At about the 1 mile point, there was a bit of tummy rumbling going on, but I ignored it. Rookie mistake #1...

At around mile 2, there was a certain amount of – ahem – gas leakage which I blamed on the beetroot and which I naively assumed had solved the problem. Rookie mistake #2 ...

At Mile 3, I was running in a slightly strange way and looking around desperately in the hope of a seeing a thick clump of bushes, a field of long grass (with some convenient big leaves) or - best of all - a portaloo materialising like the Tardis.

I was stuck in a familiar Catch 22. I found that the faster I ran, the more upset my tummy got but if I moved at walking pace I not make it home in time ...

Finally developed a kind of zombie lurch which carried me home. I even perfected an – involuntary – moaning as I made me way home at a speed which was fast enough to get me there, while slow enough to avoid potential lycra-soilage.

I ran into the house shedding clothes as I ran in my hurry to get to the loo. With the amount of multicoloured lycra on the floors, the house looked as though a Power Ranger had been doing a striptease with a finale in the bathroom.

I’m pleased to say, the only trail through the house was one of lycra.

I carry an emergency tenner whenever I run. This used to be in case I fancied stopping at a pub en route for a drink or if I spotted an ice cream van but recently it has been in case I need to buy a drink in a pub so I can legitimately use their loo. And, if necessary to bribe a neighbour to stop them from calling the police if they catch me defecating behind the shrubs in their garden if I’m caught short.

I got home OK this time, but I went through a phase of it being really bad a little while ago. I had a 4 mile loop with a pub at the halfway point as I knew at mile 2 I’d hit critical point. I used to keep running straight through the pub doors and into the loo. I imagine the barmaid just used to see a flash of fluorescent yellow and see the loo doors swinging.

It’s a lot better nowadays and I make it home pretty much every time but I keep emergency loo roll on me at all times and just in case… I always wear nice soft socks.

Stupid zombies. Stupid bogs. Grr. Arg.

Running with zombies again today but had a few problems. First of all the app seems to have developed a bit of a bug. The music no longer dips in volume when the ‚transmissions‘ come in so you can’t hear them properly. Also every time there was a ‚transmission‘, it restarted the playlist so I had Jeff Bukley’s Hallelujah and Lola by the Kinks so I was alternately depressed and romanced 4 times.

To top it all off, the path I’d chosen today was ankle deep in mud in places and the rest of the path was slippery so not the best option for intervals. Although it was probably entertaining to watch as I had several leg-spinning Roadrunner type moments. Still ... not good for avoiding zombies. As  a result I got caught by the zombies TWICE breaking my clean and shiny record of not being eaten. Never mind ... I would have tasted of thick black marsh mud anyway.

Where I got caught by the zombies

My poor shoes!

Zombies and Mud

Had a 5 mile run yesterday using the Zombies Run app on my iphone. Was an awesome run – one of my favourite routes. It goes out of the Industrial estate and out towards the golf course and then it’s all trails. The next mile is mainly uphill but it’s jumping over branches and avoiding muddy patches and nettles and going in and out of dappled sunlight patches. All the fun things that should be included on a run!

The only problem was that my first zombie chase on the app started when I was under trees so although the Garmin picked up my speed the app didn’t and I was doing 5:30 minute miles and they were still getting closer! I was panting like a dirty caller and still couln’t out run the zombies although when I checked when I finished the run apparently they didn’t get me after all. I DO understand that these are VIRTUAL zombies. Honest.

A run past the Abbey and round the lake and an unintentional paddle in the muddy puddles and it was back to work.