It was time. But it didn’t stop me feeling guilty, traitorous or sneaky. I was getting nothing out of the relationship any more, there was no connection, I felt like you only wanted me for my money.
Plus we never got together any more. It was always the wrong time or the wrong place.
I had lots of happy memories with you, remembering laughing and running with the wind in my face. Although there were not-so-happy memories too, of me shivering and cold. There was a lot of fun, but also times that felt like hell. I remember feeling so nervous that I wanted to throw up.
My track record isn’t great, but you were there to welcome me in. To make me feel like I belonged.
You showed me new places, new paths to follow, new tracks.
We were a team, you and I.
However, after a while a few cracks started showing. I tried to ignore them but soon I realised that we weren’t such a great match.
You started to choose what I wore. Tops in certain colours, that made me visible, so you could see me, keep track of me. Particular shoes or I wasn’t good enough.
Making me pay such for time with you. Don’t you love me? Do you really need me to pay £100 just to be with you? It’s not as if you even give me cake any more. I don’t even get a strawberry shoelace.
You make me feel old. When I turn up to be with you, I’m surrounded by 15 year olds. And they’re all younger and better heeled than me. They talk and move at the speed of sound while I tag along. And I sulk.
I miss the social side. I want to talk to you, share my news and make you proud of me. But I never see you any more. Our schedules are different.
But you’ll always be my First. And I’ll never forget you.
My running club.