It hasn’t quite sunk in yet ... I’m going to Paris!
I’m ecstatic ... and unbelieving ... and incredulous. But not nervous. I’m looking forward to having a tailored training plan. I’ll have it written down for me. I’ll know exactly when, and how far and how long I should run. I cannot wait!! I just want to get started now!
It’s not survivor’s guilt and I wouldn’t be so shallow to think that this is that anything similar. But I’m feeling guilty for getting through when the other – thoroughly lovely and decent – people in my category didn’t. I’m trying to think of the reasons I got through and they didn’t but we were all so different that it’s difficult to know why one got through and the others didn’t. They were all so nice and we had such a laugh in the week of campaigning that I hope they’ll stick around on the forum.
Last year when I didn’t get through to the voting stage, I KNEW why I didn’t and I was still gutted that I didn’t get through. It was my first time on a track and my first experience of pacing and I managed to completely mess it up. I also had a tight ITB which wasn’t helping. But I was STILL bitter when I didn’t get through. There were perfectly valid reasons for offering the places to a more competent, experienced and un-injured runner. I knew this, but still was upset.
It must be even worse to have gotten so close to the prize and not come home with it.
But … I’m in. I worked really hard to prove how much I wanted it and I know that I will work really hard to prove I deserve it. I will be going to Paris. And I will come home with my Boston Qualifying time.
And a bloody lovely medal.