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Thursday, 4 April 2013

Pre-Marathon Hypochondria - Stay Away I have Anti-Bac Gel & I'm Not Afraid To Use It!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a hypochondriac ...

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Poor Bacon Steve has been suffering with his knee on the First Timers Asics 26.2 thread and while I sympathise greatly, I didn’t draw any parallels when my knee started playing up last week ...

I’ve just read Sam Murphy’s comment about her developing plantar fasciitus 2 weeks before London Marathon one year and now my right heel hurts ...

I read earlier about Mel (Busy Lifestyle in Asics 26.2) having an infected toenail so I’m expecting several of mine to drop off any day now. They’re all looking a bit suspiciously healthy at the moment but that’s probably only to lull me into a false sense of security. Even my problem toenail (which would be a rebellious teenager of a toenail if ever there was one) is looking almost normal in a manky kind of a way.

I’ve realised that I’ve become one of those irritating hypochondriacs. You’ve got a sore throat? Mine is sore too ... AND I’ve got a cough (coughs irritatingly). You’ve got measles? Me too. Mine may LOOK drawn on (hides red pen) but that’s only because they’re bigger and more sore than yours. And mine come off in the bath. I’ve got so paranoid about falling ill - again - before the marathon that every little twinge is a potential disaster and I really, really am doing everything I can to avoid catching anything else.  

I’m wielding antibacterial hand gel like a weapon and refusing to open any public toilet door without a protective piece of loo roll. I’m smuggling so much Andrex around in case of unexpected doorhandles I’m looking like moulting Egyptian mummy. It’s not a good look.

Also I’m getting strange looks after clawing my tongue when I realise that I’ve accepted a cup of tea from someone with a cold and I’m trying to work out the best way to purge my tongue of flu-y germs without a) offending the person who made the tea or b) spitting tea over expensive laptops, delicate instruments or industrial equipment. Customers apparently don’t appreciate drippy tea on their things.

I’ve got a sore throat from screaming after forgetting about my anti-bac-ed hands and rubbing my eyes. I’m so nervous I’ve started biting my fingernails – another revolting germ-y habit and I’m so busy straining my neck to check there isn’t anyone with flu in a 150ft radius I’ve given myself a crick. I’ve decided that I’m probably best off just getting on with my life normally and trying to forget about germs, bacteria or other creepy things.

So Ady (Asics 26.2 On a Plateau) and Alex (Asics 26.2 sub-3) ... I’m sorry I haven’t nipped onto your threads today, but I’m worried that if you’ve suddenly developed a niggle or a twinge that it will suddenly appear on ME ... and I don’t dare push my pre-marathon hypochondria any further ....

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