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Monday 22 April 2013

Getting a Bit Lost, a Pity Loo and Patronising Apps ..

Today was to be my first long run since Paris

I’ve been hugely lazy so far. I’ve had almost 2 weeks off and in that time I’ve eaten fifteen – yes fifteen – crème eggs and done precisely 2 runs. Of 4 miles each. Quite frankly although I may fit into my lycra, it may well be the case that anyone that actually sees me in it may wish that I hadn’t.

Enough was enough. One of my running buddies WolfRunner  has signed up for her very first half marathon – woo woo!! So in the spirit of helpfulness - and of not causing retching when I ran past in my over-stretched lycra – I decided to do a 9 mile run this afternoon with her.

I’d worked out a really nice run - along Cycle Route 50 starting at the village of Walcote going through the villages of Swinford, Stanford on Avon , Clay Coton, Yelvertoft and ending up in Crick. It was all through quiet country lanes and pretty villages. Perfect.

Windmills by Walcote
WolfRunner  wanted to run between 10 – 10:30 min/miles and as such had set her mobile phone to helpfully tell us the pace, distance and time every 5 minutes. It was also set up so it would tell her how far in front – or in our case behind - pace we were. I don’t know whether it’s the programme or whether the woman whose voiceover was used for the application, but I can honestly say that every time she told us we were behind pace she got more and more patronising. By the end of the run I was ready to drop kick that virtual cow-bag through the hedge and into the next county.

However, I’m pleased to say I restrained myself and no mobile phones (or bloody irritating applications) were harmed during the run. However, if that woman is ever behind me in a queue at a shop or I hear her voice across a crowded room I will not be responsible for my actions. Seriously Computer-Lady, run and hide. Run and Hide.

As is usually the case with me, as soon as we got into the middle of nowhere I needed a wee. I had - of course - packed emergency loo roll but decided that if I could need a wee for an entire marathon and hold it, then 9 miles shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Besides, I passed the place where I watered the hedge on the run last time and I hadn’t realised quite how … um … see through the hedges were. I got a tad embarrassed about the thought that I’d probably inadvertently flashed everyone passing by last time. It’s amazing how much the thought of past humiliation can stop you needing a wee.

However, a couple of miles on we passed this.

It was as if the God of ‘Holding it In’ had seen me and magicked up a Pity Loo. However, in the interest of stopping with the flashing passers by I restrained myself. Thank you for the offer but I think I can hold it this time.

It was of course London Marathon day today so we had the obligatory “Lost on the way to the finish line?” and “You’re a little way from London” comments from everyone we passed (Small old man, couple with a toddler). Nice that we look as though we’re fit enough to run a marathon … even if they wouldn’t trust us enough to ask directions. 

I’d run this route once before and had got lost. Well a little bit. About 4 miles lost. I remembered this at the top of a big hill and stopped briefly to check the map. Ah yes … déjà vu … We’d wandered off course a bit. WolfRunner  was kind enough not to swear horribly at me when we had to run back down the enormous hill I’d just made her run up (Hills are good for you, honest!). Finally found the path and realised we were already over the 9 miles I’d promised her for a run… whoops. 

Decided the best plan would be to add incentive and we ran to the next village and dropped in at the first pub we saw. It’s amazing the speed WolfRunner  can muster when promised a drink at the next pub. We sat and drank a coke in the sunshine. Bliss.

When we got back to the car I realised I had yapped the whole way. Poor WolfRunner. At least she can look forward to the relative calm of the race. Cowbells being rung, loud cheers, clapping and cheering. And absolutely no irritating running buddy chuntering the whole way round about toilet stops, gels and the importance of bodyglide.

1 comment:

  1. Love it. You can keep my company anytime (well, once I'm back up and running again). You sound like my perfect running buddy. :)