I ordered myself a pair of VibramFiveFingers running shoes. I’d always wanted to try them and had visions of being like Barefoot Ted – but with boobs. I’d be running everywhere in a flowing forefoot style in my awesome toe-shoes, my graceful running style the envy of all. And winning all the races too, of course.
I waited a whole suspense-filled week for the courier and when the box arrived, I tore off the wrappings and there they were. MY Vibrams.
|Not my Vibrams … sob.|
This was going to be AWESOME.
After 15 pain-filled minutes I got the first shoe on. There was NO way the second one was going on.
I cried inwardly as I came to the realisation I would never be a barefoot running legend ... due to an incurable problem.
Despite my feet looking normal (well normal for a runner) it appeared that my little piggies had not only had roast beef and been to the market, but had visited the deli, the chip shop AND McDonalds before wee-wee-weeing all the way home.
My forefoot-racing dreams shattered and the Vibrams sent back, I sulked for a day before consoling myself with the thought that if I had to have randomly fat anything, fat toes probably isn’t the worst thing to have. I could have been cursed with strangely bulgy earlobes or obese elbows. (Although those sound like fun - imagine earring shopping) At least my porky piggies can stay hidden until beach weather and even then, unleashed on the sand and the unsuspecting public they would be overshadowed by my toenails of many colours. Underneath my nail polish of many colours.
“This little piggy went to the sweetie shop ...”