Best Triathlon Tips: Lessons Learned

• Nothing beats local knowledge. Recce-ing the bike course and chatting to the marshals beforehand can give you some really good inside information. Even if it’s just ‘DON’T use the portaloo 3^rd from the end.” 
• Weeing in your wetsuit really does warm you up.

I'm in this picture somewhere. Concentrating.

• I can’t wee in my wetsuit if I’m moving. Avoid me if I look like I’m concentrating.
• Cracking the bike was all about practising. And practising. And practising. Even if it feels like I’m getting nowhere (If I’m on the turbo I probably AM getting nowhere) then keep at it. It’ll come.

Always know where the photographers are so you can avoid looking like THIS

• I still haven’t cracked the swim. I’m very definitely backpack and need to sort this out. 
• Open water swim starts are like WWE smackdowns. But with actual punching in the face. And no rules.
• Doesn’t matter how much I practise running off the bike I will always spend the first mile stumping along like a pirate with 2 pegs. I haven’t had a brown accident (well ... almost never). It’s just how I run the first mile off the bike. 
• My arse will always hurt no matter how long or short the bike ride. Apparently it will toughen up but I’m not sure I want a ‘tough arse’. 

My wetsuit pics are ALWAYS horrible. 

• Swimming in a lake feels cleaner than swimming pool despite the fact I KNOW that ducks do not get out to poo and fish do not get out to die. 
• It doesn’t matter how much lube you use. It is never enough. 
• Portaloos at triathlon starts are even worse than at running race starts. But not as bad as ‘halfway through ultra’ loos.
• Always take a hole punch to a race.
• I mustn’t be intimidated by all the posh bikes. At least 25% will be ‘borrowed from a mate’. 
• Someone will always be DQd for nudity at a race. 
• It is IMPOSSIBLE to carry your bike quietly through hotel corridors at 5am before the start of a race.