A Beginner’s Guide to Running Terms (What They ACTUALLY Mean) - ADIDAS

So you’ve decided to become a runner. Congratulations! You are now part of a noble, unhinged community who willingly spend hundreds of pounds on shoes that promise to make us slightly quicker at parkrun and who think “relaxing” means voluntarily running up a hill. Hills. Plural.

This post is fuelled by crème eggs, sarcasm, and the fact I’m currently wearing head-to-toe Adidas kit. (If I can’t run fast, at least I can look like I know what I’m doing.)

But before you lace up and trot off, you need to know the language. Running has its own dictionary, and like all good dictionaries, it’s mainly full of words that sound either ridiculous, misleading or like medical conditions you’d rather not discuss with your GP.

Don’t worry though … I’ve put together a handy guide to running terms, complete with their REAL meanings.

Oh Yes. Having a grand old time trying to run up hills ... *CRIES*

PB (Personal Best)

Official definition: Your fastest ever time over a certain distance.

Actual meaning: The time you’ll spend the rest of your life trying (and failing) to beat. Despite new (and ever more expensive) shoes, new (and more complicated) training plans and trying new (and ever weirder) fuels & recipes … it'll remain elusive. However, a PB is definitely more achievable if you’re wearing shiny new kit. (Cough Adidas shoes cough). It's not worked yet. But I'm no quitter … goes off to buy 67^th pair of trainers.


Fartlek

Official definition: A Swedish training method meaning “speed play.”

Actual meaning: A word that makes non-runners think you’ve joined a Dad Joke comedy club. Also, running fast until you regret it, then jogging slowly until guilt forces you to speed up again. Repeat until death. Or vomit. Or brown shorts.


Negative Split

Official definition: Running the second half of a race faster than the first.

Actual meaning: Something your coach suggests with a straight face, as if you’re not already sweating like you've eaten your child's easter eggs and they've asked for help looking for them, by halfway through the race. Go faster? Now? HOW?

Yes. That's me at London Marathon this year getting beaten by a penguin,

Carb-Loading

Official definition: Eating extra carbohydrates before a big race to fuel your body.

Actual meaning: Pasta. So much pasta. Pasta for breakfast, pasta for lunch, pasta until your family stage an intervention and beg you to eat a vegetable. Luckily, Adidas leggings stretch far enough to accommodate your new spaghetti baby belly.


Bonk / Hitting the Wall

Official definition: When your glycogen stores run out mid-race, leaving you exhausted.

Actual meaning: The precise moment you discover your legs are ornamental and your brain is made of soup. Minestrone soup to be precise.


Tempo Run

Official definition: A comfortably hard effort.

Actual meaning: An oxymoron. Like describing my race photos as “pretty ugly”.

It's perfectly NORMAL to run up mountains on holiday. *cough*

Taper

Official definition: The period of reduced training before a race.

Actual meaning: A time when you run less, eat more, and panic constantly that you’ve forgotten how to run. Symptoms include Googling “Can I lose fitness in 72 hours?” at 2am. And when fuelling sensibly involves me wondering how many crème eggs I can justify as “sensible”.


Shakeout Run

Official definition: A short jog to loosen your legs before a race.

Actual meaning: A public catwalk where you parade your carefully chosen race kit while pretending not to be terrified. (Top tip: new Adidas running tops look even faster than they feel.)


Ultra

Official definition: Any race longer than a marathon.

Actual meaning: A marathon, but with more snacks. Usually entered after two glasses of wine and the phrase, “How hard can it be?” And encouragement from online friends who will join you in thinking “What the hell have I just done?” the next morning.



Garmin (or any GPS watch)

Official definition: A device that tracks pace, distance and time.

Actual meaning: A small wrist tyrant that decides your self-worth. Finishing a run feeling amazing? Wrong. Garmin says your “training status” is “detraining.” Now cry. At least my Adidas kit never judges me. It just quietly soaks up the sweat and pretends everything’s fine.

And there you have it: the secret codebook of running. You’re welcome. Next time someone brags about their negative splits or invites you to a fartlek session, you’ll know exactly what they mean (or at least how much to laugh in their face).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go “carb-load.” Which is a fancy way of saying I’ve just cooked an entire family-sized lasagne… for me. And yes, I’ll be eating it while wearing my Adidas running kit, because fuelling is serious business.

NOTE: I'm lucky enough to have been approached by ADIDAS who have invited me to be a part of their Blogger Community. This means I get to link up with other like-minded bloggers (which I take to mean other snack-obsessed runners) and they give me some ADIDAS vouchers to write my blogs … which I do anyway! Sounds like an absolute win to me!

I'm doing nothing different except adding some links to ADIDAS kit that I'm looking at getting with my vouchers and which I think you might also like!